Great. Now I want to write. There’s gotta’ be a way to dodge writer’s block. There’s a time during the day I’m zombified unless I’m jacked up on caffeine. Man, did I have a blast in Seattle. I’ve lived there for almost, well actually, I did live there for 10 years. And, of course, yes I went to school there, and yes, I didn’t finish because I quit. I went to a private University and then after that, I went for an on-line degree to get my Master’s, didn’t finish that either because I felt like it wasn’t accredited and wanted to take a totally different major and wanted to start over with another Bachelor’s degree so I started in another College. Yes, confirmed I had Bipolar there OR it could have also been a Quarter Life Crisis. It doesn’t always have to be a brain disorder, but still, but yeah.. yeah, well… YAHWELL. And now, I’m back to square one and I’m okay with that. Without the hospitalizations or the voluntarily commitments that I made, I don’t think I would have been able to face that hurtful fact that I was a quitter. It took me long enough but it’s better to have wasted it on my twenties than to have wasted it for the whole entirety of my life. Now, I’m jacked up with caffeine again when I’m supposed to be taking a shower because it’s time to get ready for bed! It’s these damn cravings! After I ate dinner, which was another craving that I had to fix, I sat there and all of a sudden, I had a craving for Coke. Just out of the blue. I don’t even drink sodas but the craving was legitimately real. Or as they say, “The struggle is real.” That saying cracks me up. So, I sat there, blinked at my empty dish and I’m like, “Fuck, great. Just great. Now I have to get my coat on… but I’m leaving my furry slippers on. I don’t care. Keep it real, man. Keep it real.” And, off I went to the grocery store. I love going on trips there… and I was back right after. Did self check-out myself. And, I’m back.
Anyway, I don’t know why I’m even writing, what my point of writing is in the first place? I was just supposed to write about… the introduction to my first hospitalization, what it did to me and for me… the experience I’ve had when I was in a residential treatment program and the amazing people that I have come across in my life and how I want to share so many things, beautiful things, even when the world got tough. And that I’m jacked up with caffeine so it’s easier for me to flow. In the morning or during the early times of the day, it’s like… like, yeah. Just like that.
Okay, enough stalling. No more “five more minutes” or “ten more minutes”. I’m screwed if I don’t do my hair tonight and take my meds soon because we all know what happens if we don’t get our sleep, Kel! Mhmm… and I just got caught up with rest so the stress is finally kept to a minimum, so shower, wash up for bed, meds during blow drying hair so they kick in and I knock out. Wake up early, get ready for work and leave early so that I get there at the exactly the same time I would even when I leave late or on time. So lame.
And remember, don’t react, don’t respond… go beyond and RISE.