It’s getting late. I’m an insomniac. Actually, I have been an insomniac for 95% of my life. I still am, but thanks to medication, I’m thankful that I get sleep, but even with medication, I have to wind down before I can go to sleep. I can’t just lay there because I start thinking. For some reason, tonight feels different. I have 2 candles going on in my room. Got the heater going, too. Christmas Jazz Holiday music in the background playing. It’s nice. I don’t want the evening to end, but the very latest I can stay up (not should) is at least 11:30pm and that’s pushing it. Or else, that’s borderline insomniac again. I’m going to play hooky again and not do my 30-day and 90-day experiment tonight, but at least I’m doing my 31-day 500-word writing challenge. I already wrote something before this one but it was way too emotional. It was about PTSD and how my mom treated me like shit when I was 12 and she was around my age. I’ll save that for another post.
My nightly routine usually starts with meditation, from 5 to 20, depending on my mood or the time I have left. I then do some coloring with my Mandalas for 20 minutes up to 1.5 hours, depending how much free time I have. It’s very meditative and relaxes me. I get to enjoy some hot tea with that and I enjoy the whole process of making my tea with my “Keep calm and drink tea” tea set. I should take a photo and upload it sometime. It’s really cute. I am easily amused that way. It’s the little thing. Wash up, get Netflix ready… and I just space out and watch one of my favorite sitcoms, which currently is Last Man Standing. I’ve seen all 4 seasons so many times. I just like them in the background and it shuts off by itself after a few episodes. I fall asleep to that real quick. If you haven’t seen it, watch it! It’s entertaining and Tim Allen is funny in there, too. The 5th season can be found on Hulu. The latest episodes are on there, too. Then, that’s about it. If I find that I’m still wide awake, I start picturing animals in different colors until my mind starts to wander. I usually start with a black and white panda and then I start asking myself what color is his ears, his eyes, his paws, his claws… wild colors—go crazy. Eventually, you’ll knock out. The next day, I always ask myself, wow, I got some good sleep—how’d that happen? Oh, that’s right. Animals. Works for me all the time. I learned it from my on-call therapist at the treatment center that I was at.
Okay, I guess this is enough rambling. Forty more words… it’s really hard! I can write some more, but it’ll go past fucking 500 but if I want to keep it to 500, then, I’m like, durr, to vague.
Night… tell me what your nightly routine is? And but of course, medication. Like, duh, Kel. I used to take them an hour and a half before bed time but they make me feel weird and I get paranoid for some reason so I just take them right when I’m in bed and just lay in bed and let the meds do its thing, because if I fight it, I just start feeling… really… weird and I hate that feeling. I’m not even going to describe it. Maybe some other time when I talk about medication management. Night.
And remember, don’t react, don’t respond… go beyond, and RISE.
Word Count: 614