I really try, you know? It’s hard to be positive when you have mood swings (bipolar) and it affects your super hardcore (borderline personality), ruminate over it, and then it repeats in your head until you find a solution (ocd), but it’s possible to break the cycle of madness. You just have to make the decision to say “stop” and say “what’s next” instead of “get over it” or “move on”. Sometimes, saying, “Whatever. I’m over it” works. I learned that from Paris Hilton on the Simple Life. She used to say it all the time, “I’m over it.” And, whether you are “over it” or not, just the fact that you’re announcing it verbally allows your brain to subconsciously follow your lead eventually…
I say it’s hard to be positive because, well, first of all, it’s rainy, again. Of course it’s not a shocking surprise because it is the Pacific Northwest, but my point is that this Season affects my mood and again, I’ve mentioned that it can get really depressing. What I mean by “it’s possible” is that you can get out of it by listening to yourself: listen to your body and your mind. What are they trying to tell you and what do they need from you right now, at this moment today? Did you get enough sleep. Did you eat a healthy meal. Did you drink enough water. Are you on your period (pms’ing causes bitchiness). Did you poop (discomfort affects mood) and of course, medication is non-explanatory. If you didn’t poop, now you know why- go eat Fiber 1. If you are getting your period soon, sit back and relax and accept that you’ll be bitchy for a while. If you haven’t eaten—well, have a Snickers bar because you aren’t feeling like yourself. Ha. No, seriously though… EAT.
What made ”it’s possible” for me this morning? *sigh* Mm… it was spontaneity. I went to the bank this morning to change some of my money into coins for parking. They should really change that shit and have it accept debit cards. Seriously. It’s so stupid. It’s near 2016. Do you remember that show Beyond 2000? Yeah, exactly—it’s like… what the fuck 2000 what? I gave my card to the teller and she forgot to give it back to me, or it was my sleepy ass who didn’t recognize that I didn’t get it back from her. I drove back home and half way back she called me and I turned around get my card back. Wow… that’s a lot of “back”… I was really sleepy so I took advantage of their free coffee. I said, shit, why not. I deserve it. I gave back the left over coins and put those back in my account. Might as well get some coffee while I’m here. The hit was wonderful. It got me pepped up right before I landed home. I was trying to figure out how to wake up and really get my groove on. How about a nap? No, no… no nap or else I’ll end up sleeping late again. Okay… coffee? Yeah, coffee is fine, but I need something else. And then I thought of trance: Tiesto, Armin, and some Thunder. Yeah, some Infected Mushroom. I was (and now) thinking of blasting some of that and just coloring a mandala and then a fix of motivational speakers. I need it. So when I was nearing my neighborhood, I heard some Nicki Minaj, hey ma ma oh hey ma ma ma, so I blasted that and decided to take the scenic route. I danced in my car while cruising, did some liquid movements and when the song was over, I turned around and here I am. I feel energized. But… it’s time to eat lunch. Even though I’m not hungry, I’m going to have to eat because… I have to. Health first or else shit’s going to creep up on me and next thing you know I’m back in the fucking hospital. So, I better be careful and always prevent shit before I need to even consider preventing anything. Anyway, I’ll eat now and blast some trance before I do some therapeutic stuff. I’m excited to do just that. And, to always think of it as one day at a time when things get over-whelming. Um… I’m most probably going to have chocolate-chip pancakes because I didn’t have any this past Sunday and I don’t feel like eating anything else. Yeah, that and an apple. Heh. I’m special.
And, remember… always go beyond… and RISE. Just like a fart smell. That shit rises.
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