IT’S TIME

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Alright, it’s time. This will be my last post. If you would like to follow me in my new wordpress site/blogs, please add your email address in the comment section and I will email you the link. Or, I can email you first. Mine is on the PS. I have 2 WordPress sites: The first is about my health (similar stuff like I have on this kelofduty site except I’m not going to advertise what I have… it’ll just be a part of the blog but not the main focus) and being well-rounded and then the other one is going to be about how I’m doing at work, steps to working on my job and career goals/dreams/plans– it’s more random and for me; how to break down the big goals into small ones and achieve them– tracking goals and plans. Motivation. Inspirational quotes. Sharing things I’ve learned from motivational speakers, authors… what story is behind the mandala I colored today. What blue means to me today and why did I pick gray rather than green… just incorporating everything. I want to share some quotes about getting things done, paste some info from YouTube on here of some amazing motivational speakers that I think would be helpful. Hopefully learn more about your story, too if I do find you on that site. So these sites are for me. It’s more of a necessary hobby because it’s therapeutic but it’s also very healthy for me. It’ll help keep track of my progress and raise my standards when I meet these goals, plans and expectations. I can’t make up my mind just yet, but I need to start writing again. I’m 19 days behind on it. It helps keep the focus on my goals and plans to help keep the inertia for the year and for my 10, 5 year goals and plans. Lots have happened this month already and I’m wanting to express these things. Kelofduty will be stagnant for a while, but as I grow in the other websites…yada yada yada. I’m thinking of creating them for motivation and mandalas. I just don’t know how to incorporate those two just yet. I’m just in the pre-contemplating stages as of now. Plus, I’ve been researching for mandala books that I want to color, and I just can’t fucking find the right style that I want and it’s frustrating me. I’m currently working on one right now and some of her shit, for an art therapist, isn’t cutting it. No offense to her shit, but it’s just not my style but it’s getting me by…

Alright, if you’re still interested in my ramblings and bitchiness, just comment me your email address and I’ll send you those links right away. I’m not going anywhere, I’m just changing links for my blogs and not using Kelofduty anymore– not until I create my own mandalas… like, later. And, if not, just email me first (*see PS for email addy).

Hope all of you are well, and are having a GREAT year so far. It’s only the 27th of Jan., so don’t give up. There is always tomorrow to start over again.

Don’t give up. Blow shit out of the water, always.

PS

If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your email addy here, you can email me first:

kelofduty at gmail dot com

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SO WHAT DO YOU WANNA’ KNOW ABOUT ME?

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So I had a dream that I was eating debris of weed that were left over from a Ziploc bag in the bathroom. I remember just sitting there on the floor chewing them up. I felt the rush hit my head and I was high and anxious at the same time and then it just dawned on me why I stopped smoking (in my dream). This was a dream and in that dream I said, “Oh no no no, shit. I forgot! I get hallucinations when I smoke! I better stop!” Then next thing I knew I had a half a chocolate chip cookie in my hand and I took a bite of it and I felt a fog in my head and I felt really high. I was so scared to hear voices. I didn’t know why I forgot why I quit smoking and why I just kept taking eating it. It’s because I watched an episode of Nurse Jackie on Netflix last night, “Apple bong” where she took hits off an apple bong she made and baked special chocolate chip cookies for a patient.

It looks like I’ve been getting more readers on this blog. It’s too bad that I’m going to discontinue this site. I don’t know when I’ll come back. I will be blogging here for a couple more weeks. If you’ve been reading my past blogs, I mentioned that I quit quitting. Just because I’m closing this one doesn’t mean I have quit. I have 2 new blogs that I’ve created: One, for job-evaluations. I will blog everyday and see how I’m doing daily with my new job. It’s a great job and I want to advance in this career. And the second blog is about my life, basically. It’ll focus on self-improvement and all aspects of my life and how to achieve my goals by sharing insights on motivational speakers and authors… sharing articles that can helps us get there. You will see me grow from there as this year progresses till the next new years eve. I want to write over there because this one was tied about my mental illness. I don’t want to go in that direction anymore. I don’t want to write about my depression, or my mania, or my past. Maybe someday, I want to publish an e-book because I’m so talkative and I can’t write less than 500 words and in that ebook I will write about my past hospitalizations, the amazing people I met at the residential treatment center that I was in for 90 days and then another 90 days. And how I rose from all those failures and conquered it from recovery to journey. I have a lot of those but I feel like now is not that time. The 31 day writing challenge was fun. It just goes to show how powerful taking one day at a time can really get you to meet your goals and challenges… So, those two blogs are going to be about my life but without mentioning my mental illness anymore. I want this for myself. I haven’t written in 11 years so I really need a lot of practice, too.

If you want to know the 2 new blogs that I have, just email me. kelofduty @ gmail.com and include your blog’s site address so I know you’re legit. I’m heading up there now to get started. I don’t have resolutions. I have goals and plans and they usually start on my birthday. So, every 8th of the month, I do check ins and I start any type of “resolutions” on the 8th, but I’m going to go ahead and start my blogs now so I’m on a roll by the time it hits the 8th of January. I mean, it’s just harsh to start your resolutions (if you do) on the 1st. you gotta’ ease into it or you’re going to end up beating yourself up and giving up completely. Just know that it takes one day at a time… and they add up in the end. I skipped some days during my 31 day challenge, but I still took it one day at a time and for the most part, I kept to the habit. Now, I’ve completed the challenge. If I can do that for a month, what more with other new plans and goals in different aspects of my life.

Next topic on my blog… what a jack ass I was about my landlord. She proved me wrong during the Holidays. Let’s see what this new week of 2016 brings.

And remember, blow shit out of the water and go pro.

DAY 28: TO HAVE THE BEST IS TO BE THE BEST

I’m a blogger, a logger, and a tracker. But, I’m sick right now. It’s like, there’s a second switch somewhere that says “FREEZE” and everything is just so cold that not even a heater can warm you up fast enough. Bitch. I can hardly swallow without feeling sand paper scratch my throat. My bladder’s acting up. My nose is stuffed. And, I feel weak and warm. There is one, huge thing that is happening as I speak that is wonderfully amazing: My New Job. And, I love it. There are too many variables, so I’m not even going to get into it. I just want to free write.

I think after I’m done with my 31-day writing challenge, I might change it up. I don’t think I’ll be writing about Bipolar, depression, or BPD and etc… I don’t know. I’m kinda’ over it. I want to talk about self-improvement and strategies to getting shit done and achieving goals or how I’m doing them. I want to use this blog to write about my random experiences in everyday life or write about what I’ve accomplished so far. *pursed lips* I didn’t quit. I’m just redirecting. Talking about my illness is just plain depressing. *sigh* I’m also slacking on my logging and tracking right now. I’m usually on top of that shit but today was my first day of work and I’m exhausted because I’m not feeling well so I’ll just have to catch up with everything this weekend. I have a 3-day weekend. I know, they love us over there. If I could blow shit out of the water in my interview, imagine the things I can do with the rest of my days…

Monday’s done. I rocked it. One day at a time. Traffic wasn’t bad. I fed myself. drank some tea. Laid in bed and kept warm. Tomorrow, I’ll make sure to dress warm-ER. Mm… I’m hungry. I think I’m going to have a bowl of oatmeal… with chocolate chips in it. Not the healthiest thing at night, and I know it’s not good for my throat so I’m going to gargle some salty water. And, again, I have no idea as to how I’m going to structure this. Self-improvement. Short stories of my real life. Tracking. Logging. Blogging.

Meditation, I’m half way there. 60 more days and I have to level it up to Level 2. Still don’t know what’s next.

I got some awesome gifts. Can’t wait to color them in, but I’m too sick to do that right now. I’m just going to not move as much as possible.

Then, there’s my charts and tracking. I haven’t touched them in a month.

*sigh*

So much for going consecutive all month, but it’s longer than the last month. I need to find a really good reward. I need to have something detailed. And, I think I’ll start ending my blogs with a quote. But, back on my rewards. The more challenging and more commitment needed in terms of intensity and time, the bigger the reward. Some thoughts on this…

A Mac Laptop, the latest. If I want to go to Graphic Design school, I have to have the best of the best. And, in order to have the best, you have to be the best. So, this will be a very good motivation for my 90-day-probation at work. I will start this…ASAP.

That’s it for now. I’m also thinking of a camera. A GOOD ONE. YouTube. But, it’s not going to be of me. Not yet, I think. I want it to be about creativity. Stuff I create.

To have the best. Be the best. – Kel of Duty

And, remember: Go pro and blow shit out of the water. If you don’t do it now… then the fuck when?

Word Count: 630

DAY 25 II: I THINK I’M GOOD FOR NOW

I’ve come up with some ideas. I still need at least 11 books for the next year if I’m going to read 1 book a month. That’s just a minimum to keep me straight and to stick to my goals. So, if I read 1 book a month, then that’s 12 books in a year. Those are going to be self-improvement, motivational books: confidence, success, finance, etc. I’m not sure yet. I have one already. I’m reading it right now, The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. I’m going to read it again for January, 2016, but properly and take down notes and really follow what he says. Then, I have 11 months of self-improvement books. I did my research, but I haven’t come up with any so I’m going to have to wait until they come to me. I know I’ve been craving The Power To Unleash Your Inborn Drive by TD Jakes. It’s about following your instincts. So, that’s most probably counted as my 2nd. So, my minimum is 12, and since my new motto is to GO PRO and BLOW SHIT OUT OF THE WATER, because it’s either you go BIG or you go home, which I am NOT, then I’ll most probably double the number of books I will read next year and then some… so, 35 books. Minimum of 12 self-improvement (reread to apply in life) and then the rest can be like, Hunger Games (wanted to wait till it died down) and some cheesy shit, like Mad Love. That’s a really good novel. It already came out with the second part. It’s set in the Maldives, like the resort. Some hot chick in her twenties, graduated or was doing law in UCLA, and then she decided to do some soul searching because she’s an artist and ends up going to the Maldives with her best gay friend and his boyfriend. While she’s there, she meets the hottest guy she’s ever laid eyes on and the rest, you look it up. The setting is beautiful. Who wouldn’t want to read that during the cold seasons of the Pacific Northwest? I know, right? I read it last year around this time, too, when I was at the Oasis. Anyway, 35 it is.

I’ve also found some stuff to do for my 30-day, but I haven’t bombarded myself yet because I still have to solidify exactly what is on my wheel. I know there is finance, physical, spiritual, social, intellect (HUGE), etc… but I gotta’ really establish it. This month is all about that. Every day, every night and I only have 7 days left to do this. And, I’m supposed to be decluttering and since I can’t throw some of this shit away, I will have to carry it on to January, 2016, no later than that, and sell them on-line. Make a few moolas for MH and me. So far, this is what I came up with:

  • Create a tracking system on my finances (daily)
  • Watch make-up artists off of YouTube for a 30-day-challenge
  • Listen to Les Brown for 365-day-challenge while coloring Mandalas
  • Declutter (shit!)
  • Meditate (my 90-day-challenge will be completed on the 2nd week of Feb)- so I’ll have to level this up to Level 2 and find apps or check out some retreats on the weekends and see what the next steps are from there.
  • Smoothies 30-day-challenge
  • Modify my on-line tracker
  • Sell new fitbit and get a better/best fitbit
  • Motivational books (need 11 more) write them on my vision board where I can see the list
  • Walk 10 minutes a day for a 30-day-challenge, because I will start training for marathons for 2017 (it’s so I get my vitamin D in)
  • Gratitude one note a day about My Honey  365-day-challenge or until Thanksgiving 2016 for My Honey to read (write a note and put it in a jar daily)
  • List 5 things I’m grateful for a 30-day-challenge
  • List 3 things I’m grateful for a 365-day-challenge
  • This one is very important: Work. I’m going to create my own Work Evaluation worksheet. It’s to observe/analyze what my performance is like at work based on m performance, character, skill and growth as a contributor; how am I doing based on time management, project deadlines, creativity, etc.

I know… it looks a lot, but some of them are only for thirty days. Once they’re done, I’ll implement them into my life, such as a habit and then it becomes a no-brainer because they become second nature. It’s from The Compound Effect book, by Darren Hardy. It’s a small, easy to read type of book, but it’s mashed in sooooo much, intense substance that I can only read at least 5 pages at time a day, because I want to retain them and not miss out on ANYTHING. All I know is that these 30-day-challenges will be beneficial to my well being and the quality of my life. No more reality bull shit shows. It was a good experience for my first 30-day-challenge to watch though. Because now, I’m more grateful than ever– that I don’t live an ungrateful lifestyle like theirs. Oh, and of course, follow your dreams, turn them into SMART goals, take it one day at a time, and bam, got my dream job. So, that’s all for now. I gotta’ go back to my drawing board, or vision mission board and my wellness wheel to see which one needs 30-day-challenges like, Academics (go back to school for that Bachelor’s degree in Graphic Design), but break them down to the tiniest pieces by just taking one class. Introduction to Photoshop I. I already know Photoshop pretty well, but I’m starting over—fresh. But, that’s a tiny bite. Les Brown says, “A yard is hard,” but an inch… is a cinch. There you have it. Oh! And lastly, he said to memorize quotes daily. I’m thinking, I’ll just do one a week, put it up on my vision mission drawing board where I can see it and memorize it. Total that up in one year and that’s around 90 quotes in one year. Yep. It compounded into goal achievement. Bam. Ka-doink. The sound of an achievement off an xbox somewhere.

So, that’s what I’ll be doing for the rest of this year. Rounding up aaaaalllll this shit and organizing the yearly (365-day-challenges), monthly (30-day-challenges), tri-monthly (90-day-challenges- mainly about health to add as a habit- might be cooking), and then weekly for check-ins and then daily/evenings, just a quick review under 5 minutes a night. Sundays are the weekly check ups. I do half a year as well– well around that time. My New Year’s list or “resolutions” (such a fucking dumb word. Nobody keeps it.) I start mine on my Birthday, which is during the Summer. So, I start there. Then, in half a year, which is New Year’s time, I just do a check in. I’ve got my 5-year plan and off of that, I have my so-and-so-day-challenges. Okay, I’m good. See, without medication, healthy diet, some exercise, meditation and a splash of caffeine, I wouldn’t have been able to actually follow through where my dreams… become, literally a reality.

I’m excited. So, time to round up my well-rounded wheel and put all these down on a calendar and print out my calendars, write down some quotes on my vision mission/drawing board and buy some stickers from the Dollar Tree. I only skipped one night this month of meditation. That’s not bad. I’ve attached a photo to this blog. I think I’m good.

And remember, go BIG. You got no other choice. GO PRO… by BLOWING SHIT OUT OF THE WATER.

Word count: 1,180

DAY 25: IT’S PRETTY GOOD

No. No dad right now. He passed away from alcoholism in 2012. I still haven’t grieved for him yet. It still feels like he’s alive and he’s just there, retired at a resort, because that’s where he retired, at a beach somewhere. He drank his retirement away in a simple home at a beach somewhere. That’s all he wanted. That’s one out of a lot of things that MH (My Honey) and I have something in common with. His dad passed away in the same year, too. But, his was cancer. I don’t handle death very well. I don’t talk to about it. I avoid it when I hear about it because I’m an empath and feel very deeply and it hurts me more than the average person. Pets most especially, because my mom put my very first German Shepherd down when I was 12. We adopted her when we lived in the Middle East during the Gulf War. She was given to us by a Desert Rat, a soldier who we sponsored during Christmas. I still miss her. She was a good dog, but she was a free spirit. She dug up holes everywhere in the front yard, but that’s her thing. She was a soldier herself.

I haven’t cried in a while. I have had no suicidal thoughts. It’s nice. I like it. I’ve never felt more stable in years and I would like to keep it this way. One day at a time, Kel. But, it’s healthy to cry. Tears of joy is what I’m after. The Christmas gift that I have this year aren’t wrapped under the Christmas tree. They’re given to me, presented to me that are intangible. Love. I gave myself love, a new found respect of self-love for myself; a wonderful job with a potential growth for a career, a great relationship with MH and I have a roof over my head. I’ve got my car that I get to keep because of my job and my Wheel of Wellness can finally take off. Fly. This is the time of reflection. Exactly one year ago, I was in the Oasis and even then I was grateful. Even though I was there, it was still a great Christmas. I was amongst people who had schizophrenia, bipolar I/II, borderline personality, multiple personality disorder, dissociative disorder, depression, and in between and we were all in it together, but there were so many loving, kind, generous people that sacrificed their time with their families to be there for us. Peer counselors, therapists, people in the kitchen who cooked great meals and desserts for us, musicians, and the list goes on. The act of gratitude itself was a gift. And now, a year later, I’m here in my own bedroom, in my own cozy bed, listening to my music from my laptop at peace. There’s a lot of things to be grateful for and so, I am enjoying another Christmas at last. If it wasn’t for the program at Oasis, I wouldn’t have known how to see things in a new light. I would still have been stuck in a rut, in the dark, in a corner somewhere crying my eyes and grieving over nothing and not knowing where it was coming from.

I look forward to the new year. If this year turned out great, I can only imagine what my next year will be like because when I hit rock bottom and the Oasis nurtured me, there was nowhere else but up and onwards here I go…

Merry Christmas Eve, bitches… make it a good one.

And, remember, blow shit out of the water this Christmas and make every moment count. Because we only have one 2015 and that’s it.

Word Count: 599

DAY 24: RANDOM SHIT ABOUT ME

When I’m at the grocery store, I pick up random shit and look for an unattended victim’s shopping cart and drop it in their cart. It’s usually a pack of marshmallows or a tin can of sausages. Anything random. When it’s rainy, I like to find a puddle on the side of the street and speed up so I can make a splash and see it through my side windows. I like puddles. I run and jump into them when I wear my old Nikes. If this is considered immature, then you must lead a boring life. When you get to know me, I am actually a very serious person. I take life very seriously. It means, I take life so seriously that I choose to have fun because I love life. I don’t want to have a boring life so I know how to entertain myself. I’ve learned through all these years that you gotta’ love yourself and while I’m at it, I’m going to have fun… and if you wanna’ stay young, fuck someone years younger than you. Haha. I know I do. No, but for reals, though. I may seem like an extrovert, but I am actually a combination of both an introvert and an extrovert. I’m an ambivert. I’ll party it up with you, but then I’ll let you lead the rest of the center of attention. I used to be the center of attention or the life of the party, but I get over it really quick because I like to space out from time to time. It’s because I get bored so easily. I just think life is too short to be too serious, you know? Adults are boring. I know that I have to be an adult in certain situations, but other than that, I love to have fun. I cuddle furry animals and squeeze ‘em until they make a sound. I love dancing at a boutique when I hear a good EDM while I’m skimming through racks of dresses. I do the robot in my car or liquid while waiting in traffic. I sing along in a baby voice to pop music if it’s too high. I high-five myself when I’ve come up with something genius that I’ve only come up with. I talk to my stuffed toys. I have a giraffe, a lion and a monkey… and my fave banny. They look like teddy bears though, so don’t picture a giraffe with a long neck. He looks like a teddy bear, but he has spots like a giraffe and cute, tiny antennas. My lion, poor thing, still has a hole in the back of his head. He needs surgery. Puffs of cotton are showing. Then, I have my monkey that props up my chin when I go to sleep and I’m on my side. And, I sing to my pets every time I greet them. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray. And, if you want to get to know me more, please make yourself at home and leave a question by leaving a comment so I can better share in detail. I’m running out of shit to blog about and it’s only Day 24. This mother fucker… I gotta’ come up with long-term goals so I can break down this shit. Cool beans.

And, remember… BLOW SHIT OUT OF THE WATER AND GO PRO!! Yeah!! WOO!! SHIT!! WATER!! YAH!!

Word count: 570 (Wow, something short, finally)

DAY 23: BLOW SHIT OUT OF THE WATER

Thank you notes for the 3 rounds of job interviews for the best company in the whole wide world. ❤ So happy. So Merry Christmas to me. 🙂


I just got back from making me some Pumpkin Spice Latte. Good shit. It’s this German instant coffee, but it’s legit brewed 100%. It has a great, super hit and no crash, and then I mixed it with some fatty milk (none of this 2%, 1% percent bull shit) and my Spice Latte creamer. I love Starbucks, but this tastes even better and I just saved myself 5 bucks.

I finally dropped off my thank you notes for my 3 rounds of interview to 4 of the interviewers for the company that I’ve been wanting to work for (for years). I can’t believe that I made it. I surpassed all those other candidates. “I can’t guarantee you the job but I can tell you that you are one of the top candidates. You made such a great impression on our team lead that we would like you to come in for our interview to meet our Design Manager.” Not only that. When I was done with my last interview which was with the Design Manager, she asked me if I had a few minutes to meet the VP. I had no water and my mouth was dry so I was literally swallowing dry and choking on dry. That’s the only way I can describe. It was pretty hilarious but I was nervous as FUCK. And now… It’s finally here. I made my dreams, one of them come true. This one is a huge one because the last time I’ve ever made my dreams come true and KEPT IT, was… never. I can’t really think of one right now. That will be a good blog to write about. My Haney is a dream come true but I’m talking about achievements. Hm… like not ever at the moment. So, this is my Christmas present for myself. And… I’m scared shitless because it actually came true. My dream came true. Now, I’m scared. What’s next from here? I know what to do because I have my One-Day-At-A-Time-SMART Strategy in place, but it still scares me. I’m grateful but at the same time, I’m scared because the past 3 years, I’ve been laid off, turned down by so many companies that I’ve interviewed for and then, finally, here I am… but, I think I know why. It’s because I have been rejected. So. Many. Fucking. Times. Do you know what that does to your fucking confidence after years? I never give up and I have the stubborn headed perseverance of a bull, but still, man. My confidence took a knock out from all the companies I’ve interviewed with. Thank you note after thank you note, man. Interview question after trick interview question. Fucking hated those. But, I get it now…without going through the intensive experiences that I went through from the job search, job interviews, hospitalizations and then finally being admitted to a residential treatment program, I wouldn’t have been equipped and prepared thoroughly enough for this moment. And, it’s not just a job or work. It’s something I’m good at. It’s something I’m passionate about. I LOVE what I do and then some. It’s something that can take off as a career.

I’ve gone through so many groups, community meetings, therapy sessions, hospitalizations, and rejections… I am better prepared for this opportunity. Imagine if I got hired by a company that was just so-so for me? I wouldn’t have been able to BE HERE, RIGHT NOW, to accept this job offer… and that’s why I went all out with my Thank You notes. Even my Haney said he’s never seen anything like it before in my life. The front desk office manager in the front said I was so sweet, twice. I made a mini gift basket with little treats in it and then a note in it. First of all, it’s been on my mind. I told myself if they were ever to give me the job offer, I’m making it all out, balls out so I made the gift basket. Second, it was a job interview, 3 rounds of it and I made it through—successfully. I kept it real this time. No bull shit. No pageantry answers with poise and posture, and bull shit. I left that bull shit behind. It worked for jobs that had “pay” in them but they weren’t something I was passionate about. Now THIS, I was so I kept it as real as possible. And third, ‘tis the Season, bitches… Big Bang, bro, Big Bang, whut nao. I told you I would end this year with a big bang. That way, I’ll make a huge ass splash for the incoming new year by blowing shit out of the water. You don’t want to wait until New Year’s Eve to literally start your shit. Do it now. Prep up for it. Pre-heat that oven. Foreplay that shit.

Now, I’m still in shock. I’m still scared… so, I’m going to do some research and learn excel on YouTube and really go through the job description. It’s going to be fun because it’s in the field I want to be in: Graphic Design. Finally. At last. Don’t blow it. If you do, blow SHIT OUT OF THE WATER… and again, finally, I understand why I went through all those failures and experiences. It was to prepare me for this moment. Now, I thank God… and continue to create milestones based from my long-term plans and create these short-term plans by applying my One-Day-At-A-Time-SMART-goals Strategy in my life. Once you’ve balanced out your Mental Health, act as if you do not have a brain disorder, but always be aware that you do. Does that make sense? Like, I’ve mentioned in my blog prior this one: I’m not going to hide it. But, I’m not going to advertise it either…(Got this from “Jessica Jones”) I’ll most probably use this blog for self-improvement.. for the Bipolar. How to reach your dreams for the Bipolar. End stigma? By following your dreams… hmm…

What’s next for this ambitious young woman? 2016. Let’s just take it one day at a time… 🙂

All I know is, I’m finally at a job that I’m good at, that I love and something I’m confident in. I’m really excited. This fear, I will have to embrace and feel it until all thoughts of fear have been exhausted. That’s what Les Brown is for. And, last but not the least. Prayer. God. For me, it’s God. For you? I don’t know. It could be Buddha, Allah, Hercules, St. Augustine, the pope, or the universe… a higher power that you believe in. Just be grateful and give credit where it’s due. For me: It’s God. I get it now. It took a while… but now I get it. And now, I can finally say that I do not regret going through all those hospitalizations because without those and the residential treatment program, I wouldn’t have understood the concepts of what coping skills are, dbt, therapy, medication management, etc… all of these and more to prepare me for this moment so that I can maintain a better and best quality of life. I get it now. If I didn’t get all those rejections from those jobs, end up in the hospitalization from those jobs in Seattle, then I wouldn’t know how to be equipped and prepared for this job. And now that I am educated and enlightened… I know what to do from here both short-term and long-term and with this, I thank God.

And remember… don’t just go the extra mile. It should go without saying that you SHOULD NOT but COULD AND CAN go the extra mile and THEN SOME by BLOWING SHIT OUT OF THE WATER. GO PRO. Do your best… always by what? That’s right. By blowing shit out of the water. One day at a time, bitches… one day at a time… BLOW. SHIT. OUT. OF. THE. WATER.

Word count: A thousand shits in the water